Trapped in his own head
by MissyMo2005
Summary: AU-Something happens which seriously impacts on Kelly's life. He battles with his demons, struggling to overcome his problems on his own until it all gets too much for him. (bad summary!) I own nothing!
1. Chapter 1

**Authors Note: This is my first ever fan fiction, I'm going through a rough time at the moment and found myself writing this to escape the reality so I apologise if its awful!**

At 2am Shay woke to the sound of screaming for the fourth time that week. She jumped out of bed and rushed down the hall. "Kelly?" she called. No response. Slowly Shay pushed open the door to her best friend's room. Kelly was thrashing around in the bed, screaming. Shay quickly flicked on the lights and rushed over to the bed and shook him gently. "Kelly? Kelly! Wake up!" Suddenly Kelly sat bolt upright, a look of fear in his eyes. "It's ok Kelly, it was just a dream!" Shay placed her hand on Kelly's arm as she tried to comfort her best friend. She could see from Kelly's facial expression that he was having nightmares again. Kelly slowly lay back down on the bed. "I'm fine Shay. Go back to bed." He replied bluntly as he shrugged away from Shay's touch. He didn't want Shay worrying about him. He would be fine on his own. Shay looked at her friend, the dark circles under his eyes showing clearly that he wasn't sleeping, a fact which he refused to admit to her. Kelly had rolled on to his side, facing away from her. She sighed and slowly got up and left the room knowing that he wasn't going to talk to her about what was bothering him.

Kelly heard the quiet click of the door as Shay closed it behind her. He flicked on the lamp on his bedside table, not wanting to be left alone in the darkness with his thoughts. He looked at the clock, 2.15am. The fourth night this week he hadn't slept properly. He'd tried every kind of sleeping tablet there was, nothing could make his mind stop. He slowly got out of bed and walked to the bathroom, flicking the shower on. He knew he wasn't going to sleep tonight. He didn't even bother to take his pyjamas off before he slipped under the steaming hot water. He stood there staring in to space trying to process what was going on in his mind. The past four nights he had been woken up by Shay in the middle of the night. He must have been having nightmares, but he couldn't remember what they were about. All he knew was he was being woken up by Shay, dripping with sweat with a feeling of sheer panic that he just couldn't shake.

Shay groaned as she heard her alarm clock going off. She'd barely slept last night after being woken by Kelly. Something was wrong with her friend but he wouldn't tell her what. She sighed, she would have to talk to him about it after work, she didn't have time to try again now. She got up out of bed and went to get in the shower. Flicking it on she realised there was no water pressure. Walking down the hall and in to Kelly's room she went to his bathroom door. "Kelly!" she called, she could hear the sound of running water. "Kelly!" she called again. Still no answer. She twisted the door knob and slowly stepped in to the bathroom. Looking in to the bathroom Shay felt the panic rising as she took in the scene in front of her. Kelly was slumped in the corner of the shower still wearing his pyjamas. Quickly Shay turned the shower off. "Kelly?!" she started shaking him. His blue eyes flew open, the confusion in his eyes obvious. "Jesus Kel, your freezing! How long have you been in here?!" Kelly shrugged at her. He couldn't really remember how he'd ended up in the shower fully clothed. Shay pulled him to his feet and slowly helped him strip out of his clothes. As she helped him dress she noticed how much weight he'd lost. There was something seriously wrong but what is was she had no idea.

After Shay had left the room Kelly slowly began to get dressed ready for his shift. _Pull yourself together Severide!_ As he finished shaving he looked at his reflection in the mirror. He barely recognised the tired, pale face looking back at him. Shaking his head slightly he walked out of the bathroom and walked down the stairs to the kitchen. As he walked in to the kitchen he caught the end of Shay's phone conversation "I don't know, I'll try and talk to him… Ok… Yeah, Thanks Chief" She quickly hung up and turned around as she heard footsteps coming in to the kitchen. Picking up the plate of toast she'd made for Kelly she walked towards him. "Morning Kel, I made breakfast" She held the plate of toast out to him. "Thanks Shay but I'm not hungry. 've gotta get to work." Kelly started to walk towards the door. Shay blocked his path towards the door. She took a deep breath, this wasn't going to go down well. "Well… actually Kelly, I was on the phone to the Chief and he's given us both the day off…" Shay trailed off towards the end of her sentence, the look on Kelly's face clearly showing he was not pleased. "Why the hell would you do that Shay?!" It came out much harsher than he had meant it to but he was pissed off. The lack of sleep wasn't helping with his mood either. "Kel, please, there's clearly something bothering…" Shay went to start but was soon cut off by a furious Kelly. "No Shay! There is nothing wrong with me! Stay the hell out of my business!" with his he stormed out of the door. Shay was left stood in the apartment holding a plate of toast wondering what on earth had just happened.


	2. Chapter 2

Kelly was aimlessly wandering the streets of Chicago, he had stormed out without even thinking to pick up his jacket and he was now feeling the cold. Shivering he checked his watch wondering if Leslie would have left their apartment yet. He didn't want to go back and face her. Taking out his phone he dialled their home phone number, one finger hovering over the end call button, ready to hang up if she answered. The phone rang for a few moments before finally reaching the answering machine. Kelly breathed a sigh of relief. He could go home and warm up without fear of a lecture from Shay. Turning around he began to walk back towards their apartment.

Shay pulled in to the parking space at firehouse 51. Jumping out of the car she walked in her eyes scanning around for Casey. Spotting him she rushed over "Matt! Have you heard from Kelly?" Casey could tell from Shay's tone of voice something was up. "No I haven't, Chief said you and Severide were taking the day off?" Shay shook her head. Casey could tell from her expression something was seriously wrong. Shutting the door to his office he turned to Shay "Are you going to tell me what is going on?" He looked at Shay waiting for a response. After a moment Shay shook her head. It wasn't her place to tell Casey, besides she didn't even know what was going on. Maybe she was just imagining it. "It's nothing" Shay said, forcing a smile. "We just had a bit of a disagreement this morning and I wanted to talk to him and straighten it out" Casey nodded before opening his office door and walking out. Shay couldn't believe he'd accepted her story, she hadn't sounded very convincing.

Kelly had finally reached the apartment. After cautiously unlocking the door, just in case Shay was waiting for him he kicked his shoes off and looked around the apartment. Empty. Walking to the fridge he took out a beer, not really caring about the fact it was 9am, before sinking down on the sofa. He flicked on the TV, putting on some pointless reality TV show. He'd never understood them. He wasn't watching the TV at all but he needed some background noise. The apartment was eerily quiet without Shay. Sitting with his feet propped up on the coffee table Kelly was lost in thought. He couldn't understand what was wrong with him. He'd seen some horrific things during his time on Squad, but nothing that had happened recently stuck out in his mind, so why was he waking up screaming every night?

Shay tried the front door to the apartment. Unlocked. Shay took a deep breath, preparing herself for round two. If Kelly's reaction this morning was anything to go by she was going to get a mouthful from Kelly. She was not prepared for what she found on the other side of the door. Kelly sat on the sofa, feet propped up on the coffee table, surrounded by beer bottles. Kelly hadn't heard her come in and as she walked towards him she realised he was crying. "Kelly? What's…." She started. He cut her off before she even had a chance to finish her sentence. "Leave me alone Shay!" he yelled at her heading rather unsteadily towards the stairs.

Shay took in the scene around her. _Jesus Kelly, how much have you had to drink? _She thought to herself. If there had been any doubt in her mind at all she was now convinced that something was seriously wrong with her best friend. If only he would let her help him. She sighed picking up the empty beer bottles, struggling to hold them all. After putting them all in the bin she slowly walked up the stairs. She hesitated at the door to Kelly's room, hand on the door knob. Slowly twisting it she realised it was locked. Knocking gently on the door she called out to him. No reply. She tried twice more. Still no reply. Feeling defeated Shay went back down stairs for some food.

At 3am that night Shay woke to a familiar sound. Kelly was screaming again. She ran down the hall to his room to wake him up as she had done every other night. Reaching the door she was relieved to find it unlocked. Grabbing hold of Kelly's shoulders she shook him until he woke up. Kelly's eyes flew open and much to Shay's surprise immediately filled with tears. "Kel, you ok?" she asked, extending her hand towards his arm. Kelly flinched away from her touch, jumping out of bed and running in to the bathroom. Shay knocked quietly on the door. "Kelly please let me in, we need to talk about this. Something is obviously bothering you!" She waited but got no response. All she could hear was the sound of muffled sobs from the other side of the door. A sound which broke her heart, she wanted to help her friend but he was determined to shut her out.

Kelly sat on the other side of the bathroom door, his back pressed against the door and his knees drawn up to his chin. He had no idea where the tears that were currently flowing down his cheeks had come from. He wasn't usually the emotional type. He heard the sound of Shay's footsteps walking away. He desperately wanted to call out to her, stop her from leaving him but he just couldn't find his voice. He sat there like that for an immeasurable period of time. Slowly he stood up reaching for bottle of sleeping pills he kept in the bathroom cupboard. He knew they wouldn't help but he was so desperate to switch his mind off for a little while that he would try anything. Eventually his eyes began to droop closed and resting his head back against the door he slowly drifted off in to a light sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

Waking the next morning on the bathroom floor Kelly looked around, confused. The memories of the night before slowly coming back to him, he wanted to explain everything to Shay but he just couldn't make sense of what was going on himself. Shaking his head, trying to rid himself of the thoughts that were floating around in his head he stood up. His head spun as he stood so he grabbed hold of the sink to keep himself upright. He caught sight of his reflection in the mirror. He didn't recognise the face that was looking back at him.

Kelly heard Shay knocking quietly on the door "Kelly? You in there?" Shay turned the door knob, slowly letting herself in to the bathroom. "Shay… I.." Kelly stopped, he didn't know what to say. He knew that he owed her some sort of explanation but he didn't even know where to begin withputting what he was feeling in to words. Feeling the tears well in his eyes Kelly turned away. "It's ok Kelly, you can talk to me. Whatever it is?" Shay said, moving towards her friend. As she reached towards him Kelly flinched. "Just get out Shay! Just leave me the hell alone!" Shay jumped at the sudden anger in her friends voice. She wasn't used to seeing this side of him. She felt her anger rising. She'd done nothing but try to help him ever since whatever was going on had begun. "Fine then! If that's the way you want it!" she turned round and stormed out of the bathroom, slamming the door behind her. Kelly sunk back down the floor, feeling more alone than he had before. He put his head in his hands and cried.

Shay tentatively tried the door handle. Locked. She frowned, feeling anxious. Something was wrong. Kelly hadn't left the apartment in days. Her earlier anger at her friend put aside she opened the door "Kelly!" she yelled, her voice echoing round the empty apartment. She ran up the stairs in to Kelly's room. Empty. Crap. She pulled out her phone, dialling his number. Voicemail. Running back down the stairs she spotted the little white bit of paper on the kitchen counter. Her stomach dropped. There was no way he would have left a note if he'd just popped out quickly. Picking up the note she drew in a shaky breath.

Shay, I'm sorry. You don't deserve this. I wish I could explain to you what is going on but I can't. I've decided that it would be better for both of us if I leave, I need some space to sort my head out. I'm sorry. Kelly.

She jumped as she heard Dawson's voice ringing through the apartment "Shay? You in here? The door was open so I just…." She trailed off as she saw her friend staring at the bit of paper. "Shay?" she walked towards her friend, wrapping her arms around her. "What is going on?" she waited for her friend to reply. Pulling out her phone Dawson sent a quick text to Casey cancelling their plans for the evening. Slowly guiding Shay over to the sofa Dawson turned to look at her friends tear stained face, waiting for an explanation.

While Shay was sat in the apartment explaining what she knew to Dawson, Kelly was quickly walking along the streets of Chicago trying to form a plan in his head. He had no idea where he was going. Walking down the street he saw Clarke coming towards him. He ducked his head to one side, hoping that the fire fighter wouldn't recognise him. "Hey Severide!"Clarke called out to him. "Not now Clarke" Kelly muttered as he walked past, picking up speed. He had to get out of here before anyone stopped him. But where was he going to go?Should have driven Severide he thought to himself. Heading for the bus station he hopped on the first bus he could, just wanting to be anywhere but Chicago.


	4. Chapter 4

It had been a week since Kelly Severide had walked out of their apartment and she hadn't heard from him since. Shay dialled his number for what seemed like the thousandth time. "Kelly, its Leslie. Please just call me back to let me know you're ok. I'm sorry. Just please call me!" She left yet another message. Looking around the apartment she realised how much she missed him. It seemed so empty without him. She just wished he would talk to her. Whatever it was that was bothering him so much and causing him to wake up screaming in the middle of the night they could work it out together. At least she hoped they could.

Meanwhile, Kelly was sat on the floor of a hotel room. He had no idea where he was. If he had bothered to go outside at all then he could have asked someone, but as he'd been sat on the floor staring at the cracked magnolia walls ever since arrived he hadn't actually spoken to anyone. His phone vibrated on the floor next to him. Shay. His fingered hovered over the answer button. He'd thought so many times about answering her calls, asking her to come and save him from himself. But each time he'd simply let the phone ring until it reached answer phone. He didn't want to burden Shay with whatever the hell he had going on in his head.

Everyone jumped up as Shay walked in to the firehouse. They hadn't seen her in days, everyone was hoping her appearance meant that there was news of their squad lieutenant. "Shay, have you heard from..." Casey didn't finish his question. It was clear from the look on Shay's face she wasn't bringing good news. Slowly she shook her head. "I'm looking for Dawson?" She looked around for her partner. Dawson poked her head out the back of the ambulance and Shay walked towards her. "I was wondering if you could call Antonio? See if he can find out anything about Kelly? He's not in a good place Gabby and the idea of him being alone... It worries me" Gabby nodded. She could see the toll the stress was taking on her friend. "I will give him a call" she said, pulling her friend in to a hug.

Kelly sat there with his head in his hands. That was his usual position these days. He had no idea how long he had been there. It could have been minutes or days. He'd lost all sense of time. He was so tired and from the noises his stomach was making he obviously hadn't eaten in quite some time. Hauling himself to his feet he unlocked the door to his hotel room and went to take a step outside. As he stepped forward the world began spinning before everything went black and he hit the concrete with a crunch.

_Ouch_. His head was pounding. Slowly he opened his eyes. _Where the hell am I?_ He looked around the unfamiliar room, breathing in the chemical smell. His eyes settled on a small blonde woman curled up in an arm chair. Shay. _How did she find me?_ Kelly tried go think back but his memory was too fuzzy. He didn't even know what day it was. He watched as Shay's eyes fluttered open. For a moment he contemplated pretending to be asleep but he quickly decided against it. He was going to have to face her eventually. He owed her some sort of explanation. He just didn't know how to explain something he didn't understand himself.

"Kelly?" Shay spoke cautiously, as though she were talking to a frightened child, afraid he would flee if she made a mistake. "How are you feeling?" She paused waiting for his response. She desperately wanted to go and hug him, he looked so fragile lying in that bed. She stopped herself, reminding herself of the way he had flinched every time she had touched him over the past few weeks. Ignoring her question Kelly responded with one of his own "how did you find me Shay?" He looked at her waiting for a response. Shay hesitated, unsure if he would be angry "I had Antonio looking for you" she hesitated, watching his facial expression carefully "I was worried, you weren't answering my calls" she added in her defence. Kelly shrugged.

Shay looked at her friend. He was so different. He had lost so much weight he was almost painfully thin, the circles under his eyes had faded slightly due to him having slept last night because of the drugs, but one thing in particular bothered Shay. The empty, vacant look in his previously sparkling blue eyes. He seemed so tired, like the life had been drained out of him. Shay felt helpless, as much as she wanted to help him, to get the man she knew back she was powerless to help him. As his eyes closed again Shay slipped out of the hospital room. She called Chief Boden quickly to let him known Severide had woken up, everyone at the firehouse had been worried about the lieutenant when he had disappeared.

She slipped back in to the room settling back in to the arm chair she had been in for nearly a day waiting for her best friend to wake up. She wasn't going to leave him this time and eventually he would have to talk to her about what was going on. Or at least she hoped he would. As she walked back in to the room Kelly didn't even acknowledge her, he just remained staring straight ahead as if lost in thought. Shay sighed as a nurse walked in to the room, asking Kelly a question. He remained staring straight ahead, just shaking his head slightly in response. She felt helpless. What could she do if he wasn't going to talk to her?


	5. Chapter 5

Shay pulled in to the hospital car park after her shift at the firehouse had ended. She was going to visit Kelly again, silently praying that he would at least acknowledge the fact she was there this time. She walked up the corridor and reaching his room she frowned. Empty. The turned to a nurse who was walking down the corridor "excuse me? I'm looking for Kelly Severide?" She looked at the nurse, waiting for a response. "Ah yes, Mr Severide discharged himself shortly after you left here yesterday morning." She hurried off as she finished her sentence. Shay fought the rage building inside her. How on earth could they just let him walk out of there? The man was in no fit state to do anything.

Kelly sat on the bathroom floor. Nothing had moved in the time he'd been gone. He turned on the shower, wanting some noise to break the silence of the empty apartment. He knew it wouldn't be quiet for long, not once Shay found out he had left the hospital. He shook his head slightly. He didn't even know how he'd ended up back at the apartment. He'd planned on leaving again, getting back out of Chicago. He didn't even know how he ended up back in Chicago again. Climbing in to the shower he stood under the water, the feeling of the warm water on his skin soothing.

He had no idea how long he'd been in the shower, probably longer than he should have been, when Shay came barrelling through the door. The sense of relief she felt when she realised he hadn't run away again was overwhelming. She stepped towards him "Kelly?" No response. "Come on Kel..." She turned off the shower and grabbing a towel she slowly guided him out of the shower. After helping him dress she gently sat him down on the bed, taking in the look on her friends face. He was so empty. It was like all his personality and sparkle had gone, he was like an empty shell.

Shay drew in a shaky breath, preparing herself for him to get angry. "Kelly you need to talk to me. Whatever it is you can't keep it bottled up inside. Look what it's doing to you!" She waited for the anger, for him to scream in her face that it was none of her business. Nothing. Instead much to her dismay his eyes filled with tears. Slowly reaching out towards him, not wanting to frighten him she put her arm around him. "I don't know Shay. I just..." Kelly whispered. "Shhhh it's ok. We will figure this out together. Just tell me what's wrong" Shay silently prayed that he would open up to her. This was the nearest they'd been to a proper conversation in a while and she desperately needed some answers. Kelly opened his mouth to speak, only to stop when the sound of the doorbell echoed throughout the apartment. She got up, exhaling angrily. Whoever it was she was going to kill them.

She opened the door to find the majority of firehouse 51 on the doorstep. Smiling slightly she let them in. She didn't really want them there, but they'd all been worried and she owed them some kind of explanation. Not that she had much to tell them. "Is he.." Casey asked gesturing in the direction of the stairs. Shay nodded. Maybe Kelly would talk to Matt, because it seemed like whatever he had going on he sure as hell wasn't going to share it with her.

Casey reached the top of the stairs and knocked on his friends bedroom door. No answer. "Severide? It's me, Casey. Can I come in?" After waiting a few moments he took the silence as permission to enter. Shutting the door behind him he saw Kelly flinch as the door made a loud bang. He looked at his pale, tired friend. Matt shook his head, he had never seen his friend like this before. "Kelly, what is going on?" He knew that Kelly needed to talk to someone, whatever was going on bottling it up wouldn't help. Kelly opened his mouth to speak but no sound came out. He wanted to explain what was going on in his head, he desperately wanted someone to reassure him, to help him and tell him it was all going to be ok. Something stopped him from telling Matt, he knew he wouldn't understand. He closed his mouth again, wondering how he was going to get rid of Casey who was still staring at him. "Nothing Matt. I'm fine. Go home." Kelly snapped out eventually. His friends didn't need to be worrying about him, he would be fine on his own, he just needed some time to get his head straight.

Everyone looked up at Matt came back down the stairs. He shook his head. He'd really hoped that Kelly would open up to him, although he knew in the back of his head that is Kelly wasn't talking to Shay about it then there was very little chance he would talk to him. Shay thanked everyone for coming before letting them out of the apartment. She headed up stairs to take a shower before work. She had to go back, she hadn't got any more leave to take. Getting ready she left a note in the kitchen explaining to Kelly where she was. Not that it would matter. He barely left his room these days.

Kelly stood up as he heard the apartment door close. Moving in to the bathroom he decided to shave, maybe going out would clear his head. Maybe he could drown his problems with alcohol. Puling on a pair of jeans he frowned. The waistband was now so loose that they wouldn't stay up. He didn't realise how much weight he had lost, he was going to need a belt. Eventually he was ready, heading down the road to find a bar. He didn't want to go to Molly's, there was too much chance of running in to someone he knew and he wasn't in the mood to talk.

Ducking in to the first bar he came too he found a quiet corner and grabbed himself a beer. Maybe if he drank enough the little voice in his head that he just couldn't get rid of would finally leave him alone. He quickly drank the first beer, then a second, then a third. After that he stopped counting. A very pretty blonde girl sat down next to him, she started to speak but Kelly didn't hear anything she was saying. Normally he would have flirted with her, but tonight he just wanted to be left alone. Eventually the girl took the hint and left him alone. Finally. Looking at his watch he realised it was past midnight. He should think about getting home. Staggering out of the bar he started to walk home, then changed his mind, wandering in to a nearby park. Sitting down on the bench he put his head in his hands. He really needed to pull himself together.

Shay paced up and down the apartment. She had come home from work to find Kelly's bedroom door unlocked which was unusual these days. After checking the room she had discovered it was empty. She had checked for a note but he hadn't left one. She had no idea how long he had been gone. She checked her watch again, it was nearly 10am. Where the hell are you Severide? Shay was silently praying he hadn't done another disappearing act. He still hadn't told her where he had gone the first time. Antonio had tracked him down to a hospital in Rockford and Shay had him moved back to Chicago, but they still didn't know how he had ended up there in the first place or why.

Shay snapped out of her thoughts as she heard the door open and then slam closed again. She watched as her friend staggered through the door. Shay walked towards him. "Shaaay!" He greeted her. She could smell the alcohol on his breath. "Where have you been?!" she demanded. It came out harsher than she had meant it too but she was angry. Couldn't he see how worried everyone was about him? Why wouldn't he just let her help him? "Drink" Kelly's response was simple. He just about managed to slur the word out, there was no way he was going to be able to finish the sentence. "Kelly its 10am… you can't have been at a bar all this time!" Shay was getting angry with him now, he could hear it in her voice. "I just wanted to make it stop Shay!" The anger in her voice had sobered him up slightly. He hadn't wanted to upset her but he just wanted to be alone.

Shay stepped towards him, hoping the alcohol might encourage him to talk to her. He started to move towards the stairs as she moved across to block his path. "No. Your not going anywhere until you talk to me!" She said firmly. She wasn't prepared for Kelly's response. "What part of this being none of your business do you not understand Shay?! Get the hell out of my way!" Kelly yelled in her face. Shay flinched but held her ground. Kelly could see he wasn't going to move. Pushing her out of the way he ran up the stairs, not noticing Shay falling to the ground, smacking her face on the arm of a chair. She winced as she sat up and flexed her wrist. _What the hell is wrong with him?_


	6. Chapter 6

Shay knocked nervously on the door, waiting for a reply. She looked to the ground as it swung open. "Hey Casey... Oh Shay?" Shay raised her eyes to look at Dawson "oh my god! Shay? What happened? Come in" Dawson gestured for Shay to follow her back in to the house. They sat down at the kitchen table which was set for two. "I... I didn't realise you had plans. I'll go..." Dawson shook her head. "You aren't going anywhere until you talk to me!" Dawson studied her friend. She could see she was fighting to hold back the tears. She had a cut just above her right eye and Dawson could tell she was going to have a serious bruise around her right eye. She looked at her friend, an eyebrow raised, waiting for a response despite the fact she had a horrible feeling she already knew the cause of her friends injuries. Dawson handed her friend a tissue and an ice pack. The tears were streaming down Shay's face as she recounted the events of the past few weeks. Dawson didn't know what to say. They all knew there was something going on with Kelly, he'd never been off work for this long. Everyone had just assumed whatever it was, he would have told Shay and she would sort him out. What they hadn't considered was Kelly not telling his best friend.

Casey had turned up, him and Dawson had made dinner plans. Dawson dragged him in to the kitchen and explained what had happened in hushed tones, one eye on Shay who was curled up on the sofa. Casey picked up Shay's keys from the table and headed to check on his friend, not really sure what he was going to find. Judging by the state Shay was in, it wouldn't be pretty. He turned the key in the lock, slowly opening the door. He looked around before heading up the stairs to look for Kelly. He checked Kelly's room, finding it empty. As he was about to leave he spotted a note taped to Shay's door. I'm sorry. As he read those two words his heart sunk. They should have known Kelly wouldn't stick around to face Shay and apologise. He'd already shown that when things were tough he ran.

Matt walked back in to Dawson's kitchen. She looked at him expectantly, he just shook his head. He looked over to where Shay was curled up on the sofa under a blanket, she didn't deserve this. He stepped towards Gabby, wrapping his arms around her. He didn't even want to think about where Kelly could be and what he was doing. Kelly had been a totally different person recently. Matt knew he should have broached the subject with him before it had reached this stage. He'd noticed that Kelly had been increasingly jumpy at work and the fact he never seemed to sleep on shift. He'd just brushed it aside, they didn't talk about emotions and things like that. Kelly had Shay for that kind of thing. Or at least he'd assumed that was the case.

Kelly was driving along deep in thought. The roads were becoming smaller and bumpier as the got further away from town. He'd been considering leaving for a few days but this latest incident had just pushed him over the edge. He'd thought it through this time rather than just leaving. He'd packed clothes, found himself somewhere to stay and emptied his bank accounts so Antonio couldn't try and find him that way. His phone was buzzing on the passenger seat, he didn't even need to look at to know it was Casey. He just carried on staring straight ahead. He needed to escape his life for a bit, maybe even forever. Shay probably hated him now, and what else did he have tying him to Chicago?

After what seemed like forever Kelly arrived in the small town he'd arranged to stay in. A friend if a friend had a little cabin there and Kelly was hoping he could finally get enough peace to sort his head out. He ducked in to the tiny little shop at the end of the road. If he picked up some supplies now he wouldn't have to come out again. The shopkeeper was far too pleased to see him, he guessed they didn't get visitors around here often. She questioned him about where he'd come from and why he was there. He kept his answers vague, he didn't want anyone finding out he was here. Once she'd finished her interrogation he grabbed his supplies and drove out to the cabin. He was relieved when he turned off the road on the to the winding little track to the cabin. It was far enough away that no one would bother him. Taking his things inside Kelly looked around the cabin. It was old and in definite need of some tlc, but it was comfy enough. He sat on the bench outside, enjoying the silence. This was exactly what he needed.


	7. Chapter 7

**Authors Note: I'd just like to say thanks to everyone who's read and reviewed. Your feedback is appreciated. I'm enjoying writing this at the moment. It kind of relates to whats going on in my own life and writing this has helped me a lot... **

Kelly nearly jumped out of his skin as he heard a car door slam. He wasn't expecting any company. He shivered and pulled his coat tighter around him. He hadn't quite figured out how to turn the heating up in cabin even though he'd been there for nearly a week. What was he even thinking coming out here anyway? He'd known it was going to be cold. He hadn't even thought to pack a warm coat. He turned his attention back to the woman who had just got out of the car. She was pretty, even in the state he was in and half frozen he could still appreciate that. She was tall, with long curly dark hair. She was headed straight towards the front door, he had no idea who she was or why she was here but she looked at though she was on some sort of mission. Cautiously he opened the door, getting the impression she wouldn't leave until she'd accomplished her mission. "Hi, I'm sorry to intrude but my mum sent me up here to look for you. She owns the local shop and she was worried that she hadn't seen you in town for a few days. Looks as though she might have been right though, you don't look too good! Now, step aside I've brought food!" Kelly just stared at her, slightly taken aback. He had no idea who this woman was and here she was, marching in with food. "Um.. really it's fine, I have plenty of food, you don't need to.." He stopped as she shook her head and pushed past him, totally ignoring him.

Kelly followed her into the tiny little kitchen, shaking his head slightly. He didn't know how to get rid of her. The whole reason he'd come out here was to get some peace and quiet so he could clear his head. He needed to get rid of her. He was interrupted from his thoughts by the sound of her voice. "So then, what brings you out to the lake? Not exactly great time of year for a holiday!" she looked at him expectantly, waiting for an answer. Kelly wondered for a second how to answer. He couldn't exactly tell her he was having nightmares and panic attacks so he'd decided to run away from his actual life and hide in a cabin in the middle of nowhere. It sounded ridiculous. "It's a long story…" he said, he was hoping she wouldn't ask, that she'd just finish doing whatever the hell she was doing and leave him alone. No such luck. "Well thats ok, I've got all the time in the world! I'm so rude, I haven't even introduced myself. Louisa Grey, and you are?" She extended her hand towards him. "Kelly Severide" He said as he shook her hand. He was still bewildered by the situation, maybe he was imagining the whole thing.

She passed him a cup of coffee before sitting down opposite him at the kitchen table. "So then Kelly, explain yourself… I'll warn you, I'm pretty nosey so theres no way I'm leaving until you spill!" Kelly looked at her, her green eyes were watching him closely. He shook his head, there was no way he could talk to some total stranger about what was going on in his life. The problem was, with her sat there looking at him like that he was starting to wonder if he should just tell her. She'd think he was insane, but at least maybe if she thought that she might actually leave.

Louisa sat there and watched him intently. She could see him having an internal debate with himself. She couldn't quite believe she'd just marched in her and demanded information from him. You're turning in to your mother! She thought to herself. There was a scary thought. Her mother was well known as the biggest gossip in town, possibly the reason she'd sent her daughter to check on this total stranger. She loved any form of gossip, and the arrival of this mysterious stranger was definitely something exciting for her to gossip about. She didn't really know why she'd agreed to it. She had planned to just drop off the food and report back to her mother that he was alive and leave it at that. But there was something about the sadness in his eyes as he'd opened the door that made her curious. She was definitely in serious danger of turning out to be her mother.

She continued to study Kelly intently, looking for some sort of clue. If he wasn't going to talk willingly then she was going to extract the information from him. She looked at his face, those blue eyes made her heart melt, even with the sadness that was clear in them. She'd bet he was a total womanizer. He had to be looking like that. She could see he'd lost a lot of weight, and he was either in the process of growing a beard or he just hadn't bothered to shave recently. She could feel her curiosity rising. He definitely had a story.

Kelly was trying to think of a way to buy some time to come up with a story. He couldn't tell her the truth. It sounded ridiculous, hell she'd probably laugh at him. "Nope, you first. I'm not spilling my deepest, darkest secrets to some total stranger!" he'd meant it as a joke, but his voice lacked the enthusiasm. Louisa wasn't going to let him get away that easily. "Fine then, I'll tell you all there is to know about Louisa Grey!" She winked at him "My Mum runs the little shop in town, my dad passed away a couple of months ago, brain tumor, I'm an only child so I came back to keep Mum company, which is making me remember exactly why I left this place in the first place…" She laughed and smiled at him "Your turn!" Kelly took a mouthful of his coffee. He still hadn't figured out what he was going to tell her.

"Well, I'm from Chicago. I'm a firefighter, Lieutenant of Squad 3. In answer to your question, I'm not really sure what I am doing here. It seemed like a good idea at the time, to get away. I thought the quiet would help me work through some things but…" He hesitated, she smiled at him encouragingly. "But in reality, its just me and my thoughts in the freezing cold cabin… And nothing makes any sense… No matter how hard I try to make it too… And oh my god I can't believe I just said that to a total stranger. You didn't need to hear that, you don't want to know all my problems." He put his head in his hands. She was going to think he was insane. Maybe he was.

Louise sat for a moment processing what he'd said. She could see he was mortified that it had all come out like that. She was a total stranger. What he didn't realise that she saw things like this everyday. Men! Why are they so ashamed of their emotions?! She extended her arm across the table and gently squeezed his forearm. "Kelly, it's ok. Really. I understand what it's like." He looked up at her. "We are going to talk about this properly, I'm not going to judge you, you can talk to me. I know nothing about you. If you never want to see me again afterwards then I'm fine with that. I just want you to talk to me. You can't keep this all bottled up inside. It will kill you inside. Trust me, I know from experience." Kelly looked at her for a moment. He had no reason to trust her, he knew very little about her, but something in the way she spoke made him want to let her in. Slowly he nodded at her. She jumped up. "Just let me put some coffee on first, I need caffeine!" Kelly smiled and picked up their mugs from the table. He felt hope, something he hadn't felt in a while. Maybe things were finally going to get better.


	8. Chapter 8

Louise smiled at Kelly as she finished the last of her coffee. He hadn't said much to her, but to be honest she wasn't really expecting him too. She had seen people like him everyday in her job, it was what she did. She probably should have told him that she was a therapist, but she had a feeling he wouldn't be happy about talking to her if he knew. So instead she kept quiet, hoping eventually he'd open up to her. "come on put your coat on, we're going for a walk!" she put down her coffee cup. Kelly looked at her, it was freezing outside. She was crazy, possibly more crazy than him. He got up though, put on his coat and followed her out of the door.

The two of them strolled along together, winding in and out of the trees. They chatted as they went, Louise kept trying to turn the subject to Kelly, to make him answer the questions he'd been avoiding but he was good at deflecting good. Louise sighed as they fell into a comfortable silence again. He still looked so sad, the frown lines were etched deeply into his face. It made her want to reach over and smooth them out. She thrust her hands deeper in to her pockets. It was cold, maybe a walk hadn't been such a great idea. She turned to look at Kelly who was walking along next to her deep in thought. She smiled a little, maybe he was finally arranging his thoughts, maybe he'd be able to talk to her. The little cabin was coming back into sight now Thank God, I'm freezing! She thought to herself. In her haste to get back into the warmth of the cabin she stopped thinking about where her feet were going and fell over into the snow.

She groaned as she started to stand back up. Kelly gently grabbed her elbow and helped to pull her up. He was laughing, she'd looked ridiculous the way she'd fallen over her own feet. She looked at him "This is not funny!" she pouted at him, she was freezing cold and he was just stood there laughing at her. He just shook his head and carried on laughing. She couldn't help but join in, his laugh was infectious. He kept hold of her elbow as they walked towards the cabin, not wanting her to fall over again. They eventually reached the door. "Coffee. Now." She pointed towards the kitchen. Kelly laughed again "Yes Ma'am!" he did a mock salute and turned around and walked into the kitchen. He felt more alive than he'd felt in weeks. He couldn't remember the last time he'd laughed like he had today. He picked up the coffee and sat down next to her on the sofa. She was good for him, he could trust her.

As they both sat on the sofa drinking their coffee Kelly realised she was soaked through, the snow had melted on her jeans and she was shivering. He got up and went in to the bedroom, rummaging around in the bag he'd brought for some clothes. He grabbed a blue CFD shirt and a pair of shorts. They were going to be huge on her, but they were better than wet jeans. He handed them to her wordlessly as he walked back into the room. "Oh no, really I'm fine…" She started "Louise, you're soaked, just put the damn clothes on, don't be so stubborn!" Kelly laughed as she shook her head and took the clothes from him. Moments later she emerged from the bedroom and hung her clothes on the radiator. She sat back down next to him. "Ok, now you have to talk to me, especially since I'm wearing your clothes! and you can call me Lou by the way!" she winked at him.

Kelly drew in a shaky breath before he started to speak. "It makes no sense at all, I'm a fireman, I run in to burning buildings for a job, things don't scare me… But I just, I don't know how to describe it… I just get this feeling of… I don't know how to describe it… It's like I can't breathe… I could push through it to start with.. I thought it would be ok…. and then the nightmares started… I can't even remember what they are about… I mean seriously, how pathetic is that? I'm waking up screaming and crying like a little baby and I can't even remember why! And I didn't want Shay to worry, so I tried to tell her I was fine, but she wouldn't believe me…. I mean who would, look at the state of me!" He broke off. The tears were forming in his eyes again, he didn't even bother trying to stop them. He sat there with his head in his hands and cried, the weeks of pent up emotions coming out.

He wasn't entirely sure how long he'd sat there like that, but eventually he became aware of Lou rubbing circles on his back soothingly. He took a few deep breaths, trying to pull himself together. "It's ok Kelly, honestly, it's difficult but you're not alone. Everyone goes through rough times, suffers from anxiety, depression and a whole range of other things. You have a ridiculously stressful job, you wouldn't be human if it didn't get to you sometimes. Clearly something has happened, something that your brain doesn't want you to remember, but it's ok… with time you can work through it, get some help… you just need to give it some time!" Kelly looked up at her. She didn't think he was totally crazy, or at least if she did then she was hiding it well. He could do this, he could sort his life out.


	9. Chapter 9

**Thank you to everyone for reading and reviewing, I'm still not 100% sure where I'm going with this.. Any feedback is greatly appreciated.**

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Kelly opened his eyes groggily. He was acutely aware of the warmth of another body next to him. He looked down and saw Lou curled up against his chest, their legs intertwined. He had no idea how they'd got there, he remembered talking to her about his panic attacks and her comforting him, clearly they'd nodded off. He didn't make any attempt to move. He left his arms wrapped around her, enjoying the feeling of her curled up against him. He felt a tiny bit like the old Kelly Severide. She was right, just telling someone what was going on had lifted a huge weight. Maybe he could finally get back to normality. He closed his eyes again and dozed off. He had plenty of missed sleep to catch up on, and he didn't think he'd ever been as comfortable as he was now.

Shay on the other hand was the total opposite. Kelly still wasn't returning her calls. Antonio hadn't managed to track him down either. Boden was interrogating her every time she went to the firehouse. She hadn't got the answers he wanted. She desperately wanted them but Severide wasn't going to answer his phone anytime soon. She'd left voicemail after voicemail but nothing. Boden had told her to tell him that he couldn't keep Kelly's job open for him indefinitely. He'd been trying desperately to put off replacing him but he was going to have to face reality soon. No one knew when, or even if, the lieutenant was coming back and they couldn't wait forever.

Kelly woke up again as Lou began fidgeting. He reluctantly loosened his arms around her. He didn't want to get up, he wanted to stay in this little bubble forever. Lou's eyes snapped open, he saw the look of confusion, the look of panic and then the look of relief. He smiled at her "Morning!" She smiled up at him. She couldn't believe how comfortable and safe she felt laying there in his arms. "Sleep ok?" She asked him. Kelly couldn't resist teasing her a bit. "Well I would have done if you weren't snoring so loud!" She smacked his chest jokingly "I do not snore!" he laughed at her as she glared at him. "I'm joking! I slept better than I have in weeks." She smiled at him again.

Eventually the disentangled themselves. Neither one really wanting to move, but eventually Lou's phone rang and she had to get up to get to it. Kelly watched her as she bent down to get her phone. She had long slender legs that seemed to go on forever, leading up to a beautiful curvy body. How had he not noticed this before, was he blind? Who was he kidding, he'd sat and cried like a baby in front of her last night. There was no way that she would ever be interested in him.

Lou was in no hurry to run off and leave him. She hadn't had felt this relaxed for…. well she couldn't remember when. There was just something about Kelly Severide. From the moment she'd seen him she was intrigued, she just kept wanting to know more. He's not bad looking either! She thought to herself with a smile. Who was she kidding. Men like him didn't go for girls like her. She was messed up, damaged goods. She'd been reminded of that many times. Men didn't go for the crazy girls. There was a little bit of her that thought maybe they were just as messed up as each other.

She paced up and down in the hallway, on the phone to her mother. Reassuring her that she was in fact alive and that no, the man in the cabin was not a serial killer. She wandered back in to the kitchen, rolling her eyes at an amused looking Kelly. She loved her mum, but she was so nosey! Kelly laughed as Lou perched on the counter, trying to bring the conversation to a close. He leant around her to put some bread in the toaster, brushing her thigh as he did. He heard her inhale sharply as his hand skimmed across the bare flesh. What was he doing? She was the one person who understood him and he was being distracted by how great her legs looked in those shorts. Snap out of it! He thought to himself. He just couldn't make himself find the will to stop though.

Louise breathed in deeply as she felt his hand slowly skim over her thigh, much more deliberately this time. It was wrong. She barely knew him, but she did know he'd got some serious issues to work through. But if it was so wrong why did it feel so right? She felt his hand slide under her chin, guiding her upwards to meet his eyes. She stared into those piercing blue eyes for a moment before she closed the gap between them. Her head was screaming out to her that what she was doing was wrong, she needed to stop, but her body would only respond with her. Her arms went around his neck as their mouths met softly. His head was racing. He shouldn't be doing this. He'd come out here for some peace and quiet. If he'd wanted this he could have stayed in Chicago, there were plenty of more than willing women there.

She wrapped her legs around his waist, still perched on the kitchen counter as he deepened the kiss. She felt like every part of her was on fire as he wrapped his arms around her tightly. Eventually she pulled away, gasping for air as Kelly began to kiss down her neck. She felt his hands move to the hem of her shirt. She froze. Kelly felt her go rigid. He pulled away from her, confused. As he studied her face he saw the tears welling in her eyes. "Hey... Hey, it's ok... I'm sorry, I don't know what I was thinking..." He'd ruined it. The one person he could trust and now she was going to hate him too. Louise shook her head at him. "Kelly, it's not your fault. There's some things I should have told you. I'm not perfect either. I'm probably more messed up than you!" Kelly looked at her and frowned. She seemed so together, he'd never have thought that something much darker was going on beneath the surface. They stared at each other for a moment, Kelly searched her face looking for answers. The answers she wasn't going to give him. "I have to go" She announced suddenly, sliding off the counter and grabbing her jeans from the radiator.


	10. Chapter 10

A week later Kelly found himself driving back to 'd looked for Louise, he'd tried to go to the shop and speak to her Mum but it never seemed to be open. He felt defeated, he'd messed up yet again. There wasn't much left to do about it, he could only take her advice, head back to Chicago and attempt to resume some form of normal life. He felt the knot in his stomach tighten. He'd sent Shay a text to tell her he was coming back but had no reply. He was going to have to explain to her. He owed her that at least. He pulled up outside their apartment, the lights were on so he knew Shay was home. He grabbed his bag and headed towards the door. He hesitated at the door, unsure if he should knock or just let himself in. He decided to knock, it just didn't feel right walking in. As he knocked he heard her call out to come in. He slowly walked in. He had no idea if she was angry with him or not. They'd barely spoken since that night.

Kelly set his bag down on the kitchen counter nervously. Shay was staring at him with an expression that he couldn't read. He didn't know what to say to her. He was starting to wonder if this had been a good idea, maybe he should have just stayed in the cabin. Shay was trying to process that fact he was stood there in front of her. She'd seen his text but she'd figured he would change his mind, she hadn't let herself hope, figuring she'd only be disappointed. She stepped towards him, studying his face. The lines that marked his skin, the dark circles under his eyes, the beard that covered his face and the dead look in his blue eyes. She reached out to him, putting her hands either side of his face. "Welcome home Kelly."

Shay had insisted on cooking for them both. He wasn't hungry, he just pushed the food around his plate as he sat opposite Shay. She was rambling on about some call her and Dawson had been on. Neither of them had broached the subject of what had happened, where he'd been and what was going to happen now he was back. Kelly didn't dare ask about his job, he didn't think he wanted to know the answer. Eventually Shay spoke. She'd had enough of watching him pushing the pasta around his plate, she'd never known Kelly to leave her home made pasta. They were going to have to talk about it at some point. Half of her didn't want to push him incase he ran again, the other half was desperate for answers.

Setting her fork down she looked at him. "Kell…" She was cut off by him speaking. "I'm sorry Shay, I don't even know how to tell you how sorry I am. You didn't deserve any of this…. I'm screwed up, like monumentally screwed up…. Story of my life… One big screw up after another! And… And.. I.. I just don't know how to make it stop!" He looked down at the table, the tears spilling from his eyes. So much for convincing her he was fine. Shay got up out of her chair and crouched down next to Kelly. "Shhh… It's ok, I know you didn't mean any of it… Clearly there is something going on here… Whatever it is, talk to me, we can work through it together… Or you can see a therapist…" Kelly shook his head as she started talking about therapists. He hated therapists, poking around in his business and offering their opinions where they weren't wanted. "Ok then, no therapist… but you're going to have to talk to me then Kelly.. I mean it.." Kelly nodded at her, he wasn't sure he was going to be able to get a sentence out without crying again. Whatever Shay said, he was seriously screwed up.

Shay pulled Kelly up out of his chair and led him up the stairs, it was getting late and they needed to sleep. She took Kelly in to her room, laying him down on the bed. She laid there next to him and squeezed his arm. She could feel how tense he was. I guess he's not sleeping any better. She thought to herself. She wished she could make it better for him, she was trying to think of ideas but she was coming up blank. He rolled on to his side so he was facing away from her. He felt like such an idiot. The moment she'd turned the lights out he'd felt the panic rising, it was irrational and he knew it was, but that didn't stop it. "Kelly? Do you want me to turn the light on?" Shay felt like an idiot, she hadn't thought twice about turning the light off, she hadn't thought about Kelly. "Please." He sounded like a scared child, he didn't even care. He was struggling to hold himself together, the irrational panic threatening to take over. Shay flicked the bedside light on, looking over at her best friend. She could see he was struggling to hold himself together, his eyes were red from the tears he was trying to hold back. She wrapped her arms around him pulling him close. "It's ok, Kelly. You're allowed to cry." She heard his sobbing as he buried his face in her neck. It was breaking her heart to see him like this.


	11. Chapter 11

Shay sent a text to Dawson, asking her to call Chief Boden and tell him she couldn't come to work the next day. She didn't tell her Kelly was back, she said she wasn't feeling well. She knew Dawson thought Kelly needed professional help, he probably did but Shay didn't want to force it on him. He needed to come to that decision himself. She looked down at Kelly who had his head rested on her shoulder. He'd fallen asleep but she didn't think it would take much to wake him up. She'd held him for what seemed like hours, he'd cried and cried before he'd eventually fallen asleep. Shay hadn't dared to move incase she woke him up. He looked like he really needed to sleep, maybe it would help him clear his head. She closed her eyes, hoping she would be able to calm her racing mind and fall asleep.

She woke up the next morning with a stiff neck, she'd fallen asleep sitting up and she had a dead arm where Kelly was laying on it. She tried to gently move her arm without waking him up. Crap. As she pulled on her arm his eyes snapped open and he sat bolt upright. His heart was racing, he looked around confused. "Kelly? I'm sorry, I was trying not to wake you..." Shay looked at her friend. He was a mess. "Why don't you hop in the shower while I make some breakfast?" She suggested. Kelly nodded and slowly climbed out of the bed, making his way to the bathroom. Maybe a shower and a shave would make him feel more human. He was willing to give it a try.

As he stood in the shower, the water pouring over his body, he could hear Shay in the kitchen making some elaborate breakfast that he knew he wouldn't eat. He barely ate anything anymore. He half heatedly washed, more for Shay than himself, it would make her feel better. He stood in front of the mirror and picked up his razor. As he looked at himself he realised how rough he looked. He'd got an actual beard, he didn't think he'd ever looked this rough. He started shaving and as he was nearly finished he cut his cheek. He winced as he watched the blood drip from the small cut. It stung, but in a way it felt good, it was something other than the numbness and sadness he'd felt everyday. Reaching out for a flannel to wash his face he wiped the blood away before heading down stairs. He tried to put on a smile but he knew Shay wouldn't fall for it, it didn't reach his eyes.

He sat down at the table and she put a plate of pancakes in front of him, she'd gone to so much effort, but he just wasn't hungry. He took a mouthful but it was like eating cardboard, they just had no taste to him. He took a few more mouthfuls feeling bad that she'd gone to so much effort. Shay sighed, she could see he was trying to make an effort for her but his lack of appetite worried her. She could see he'd lost loads of weight, his clothes hung off him loosely rather than fitting snugly as they had done previously. She silently got up and cleared the dishes wondering how she was going to get him talking, she didn't want to leave it too long. They needed to deal with this,whatever this was.

She sat back down opposite him, twiddling her thumbs nervously. She knew she needed to choose her words wisely because she wouldn't get a second chance at this. Kelly looked up at her, taking a deep breath. He was going to have to explain, if he didn't do it soon he never would. He was hoping once he started talking it would all just come out. Either way he was about to find out. "I... I don't even know where to start... It makes me sound insane... Hell maybe I am insane... I just... I panic... The tiniest little thing... I mean seriously, what grown man has to sleep with a light on? I'm pathetic! In the supermarket, the crowds of people... It makes me nervous and I don't know why... Every time there's a god damn call at the firehouse, my stomach is knots the whole way there... Even the thought of going out the front door... I just can't.. And it was... It was ok to start with...the adrenaline would kick in... It was like being in auto pilot, my body was going around doing its job but I wasn't in control... And then there was that call... The one with the little kid in the car?" Shay nodded, she could remember it vividly. "It was my fault. If I wasn't so screwed up... If I hadn't had all this going on in my head... I'd have moved quicker and I would have got the kid out... It's my fault Shay... All of it... I'm such a failure." He buried his head in his hands as he whispered the last sentence.

Shay sat there for a second, processing what he had just told her. She looked at him as he hung his head, he looked so defeated. She felt as though nothing she could ever say to him would ever make him feel better. She reached across the table, she saw the way he flinched as she touched him but she ignored it. "Kelly, look at me." She waited a second before he raised his head. "It's ok, you're not the only person to have ever felt like this, I know it probably feels like it, but you're not. You need to talk to me, I'm here for you ok, whatever it takes...No judgement... But you can't keep things like this bottled up... You need help... I know you don't want too but I really think you should consider seeing a therapist... Someone who can help you work through this... I can listen but I don't have the answers..." She waited, looking at him for some kind of response. She was panicking that she'd said the wrong thing. She knew what he thought about doctors, particularly psychiatrists. He nodded slowly. She let out the breath she'd been holding. This was progress.

Shay laid in her bed that night, Kelly the other side of her. She'd left the light on this time. They'd sat and talked nearly all day, he'd told her everything, where he had been, how stupid he'd been with Louise. Shay wished she had a magic wand she could wave and fix it all for him, but it just wasn't going to happen. He needed time to sort through everything and deal with his emotions. He needed professional help, he'd agreed with her but she wasn't sure if he would actually go when it came to it. She would give him some more time, see if he could make progress on his own, but she had a feeling she would have to force the issue at some point.

Shay had gone back to work the next time, she was worried about leaving Kelly on his own. He knew she was worried he was going to disappear again the moment she left. She'd been on edge all day at work, checking her phone every 10 minutes in case Kelly had text her, but he hadn't. Dawson had tried to ask what was going on a few times. She'd guessed it was something to do with Severide, maybe he'd got in touch with her. Shay hadn't told anyone Kelly was back, she didn't want them all turning up at the apartment and she was fairly sure Kelly wouldn't either. Dawson had made it quite clear that she was angry with Severide for what had happened, she definitely wouldn't be happy. She rushed out the second the shift was over, desperate to get home to check on Kelly.

She rushed through the apartment door, smacking her elbow in to the door on the way in. She looked around the apartment for any sign of him, her heart in her mouth. If he'd run away again she was going to hunt him down and kill him with her bare hands. She went upstairs and found him lying in exactly the same position he had been when she'd left for work. He didn't look as though he'd moved. "Kelly?" He looked at her, that empty expression in his eyes again. "Kelly, you need to get up! Have you been here all day?" She raised an eyebrow at him. He didn't reply at her, looking at the floor. She grabbed his arms and tried to haul him to his feet. He was a dead weight, he wasn't moving. The toast she'd taken him before she'd left for work sat on the bedside table untouched. She gave up trying to move him and went back down stairs. She got back in her car and drove to Lakeshore. He was going to hate her, hell he'd probably never talk to her again, but she couldn't just watch him slip further and further away.


	12. Chapter 12

She sat in the car at Lakeshore. She wasn't sure what she was planning to do, but she knew she couldn't just wait around forever hoping Kelly was going to snap out of it. He needed help, a fact he was refusing to admit, but if she forced it on him she knew there was a very real possibility that he would never forgive her. She got out of her car and walked slowly towards the entrance, still unsure of what it was she was actually going to say or what she was hoping to achieve. She walked in to the hospital, weaving in and out of the people standing around. She took the elevator up to the psych floor without even thinking about it. She hesitated as she stepped off the elevator, maybe this hadn't been a good idea. Before she could turn around and get back in the elevator a doctor walked up to her. "Can I help you?" Crap. I guess it's too late to change your mind now! Shay looked up at her trying to work out what to say. "I... Um... Er... I... I wanted to ask for some advice about a friend?" It came out more as a question than a statement but she was panicking now. This had definitely been a bad idea. Kelly was going to kill her if he ever found out.

Shay found herself sitting in the doctors office, nervously playing with her fingers. She knew she had legitimate reasons to be concerned about Kelly. If he had been a patient then they would have brought him straight in to psych, no question. She was struggling to comprehend the fact that it was her indestructible best friend rather than some random patient. She took the coffee that the doctor was holding out to her. She was obviously new, Shay new most of the staff at the hospital and she was fairly sure she hadn't seen her before. They sat there for a moment, both waiting for the other to speak. "Ok, so do you want to tell me what's going on with your friend? Clearly your worried about them if you've driven all the way down here to ask for advice." She gave Shay an encouraging smile.

Shay sat there awkwardly, waiting for the doctor to say something. She'd told her more or less everything that had gone on, the nightmares, the disappearing act, his return, how he wasn't eating and the fact that he was just laying there staring at the ceiling. The doctor had nodded as Shay had told her what was going on. Shay watched her as she sat there thinking for a second, playing with her hair. Eventually she looked at Shay "you've got every right to be concerned about his well being, you did the right thing coming to speak to someone. He sounds like he needs help. Is there any way you could get him to come and see me?" Shay shook her head before the doctor had even finished her sentence. "I can't even get him to get up and have a shower, and as much as I'd love to drag his backside here he is a lot bigger than me!" She tried to smile but it didn't reach her eyes, she was drained. The doctor thought for a moment and looked at her watch. "How about I come with you and see if I can talk to him? I've got some time to spare." Shay panicked slightly, she'd wanted advice and now she'd got a shrink offering to come and talk to him. She considered it for a moment before nodding. Yeah, he was definitely going to kill her.

Shay opened the door, holding it for the doctor to follow her in. She braced herself for Kelly's anger. "Kelly?" She called out tentatively, her voice echoing around the apartment. There was no response but she hadn't really been expecting one. "Maybe this wasn't a good idea..." She said quietly to the doctor. "Leslie, if you were concerned enough to come and talk to me then I feel I need to see him. Can you point me in the right direction. Shay nodded, giving her directions to get to her room. She sat in the kitchen and waited for the inevitable rage. She could hear the footsteps upstairs, the suspense was killing her. Kelly opened his eyes as he heard the door open and footsteps walk around to the side of Shay's bed he was laying on. However, he hadn't been prepared to find a face that wasn't Shay peering down at him. "What the hell are you doing here?!"


	13. Chapter 13

"How the hell did you find me and why are you here?!" He spoke quietly, but she could hear the anger in his voice. Slowly she reached in to her pocket and pulled out her hospital ID, extending it towards him. There was a pause as he read it then more anger. "Your a fucking shrink! Did you not think maybe you should have mentioned it?! What the hell makes you think you have the right to swan in here now and try to fix me?! You left me out there in that cabin! I thought you were there to help me, you said you wanted too! I make one little mistake and you just up and leave! Just like that! Not even a word! What makes you think I want your help now?!" He stopped pacing up and down and glared at her. Louise recoiled a bit. If looks could kill she thought. She had thought the name Shay had sounded familiar, she'd just figured that it was because she was a paramedic.

Louise stood there trying to think what to say to him. She needed to calm him down, he was pacing up and down like a caged animal. She was used to situations like this, she did it every day, but somehow this just felt different. "Kelly, please, just calm down..." She flinched as he spun round to face her. Maybe that hadn't been the best choice of words. "Don't. You. Dare... You don't get to just turn up here uninvited and start telling me what to do! You told me you were going to help me! Promised that it would all be ok! Then you just decided you didn't give a crap and left me to get on with it!" Louise hadn't seen him angry before, but she was suddenly rather intimidated. He was between her and the door, just standing there, glaring. Shay was pacing around in the kitchen, she could hear Kelly shouting about something, she couldn't make out what but she could tell he was angry. She wasn't sure if she should go up there or if he would rip her head off.

Louise went and quietly sat on the edge of the bed, keeping an eye on him but not too obviously. She was hoping if she could get him to calm down and think past how angry he was that she might be able to help him. Shay had been right, he needed help. She had lost all track of time as she sat there. Eventually he stopped pacing up and down, sinking down against the wall with his head in his hands. Louise got up, quietly crouching down next to him. "Kelly, I'm so sorry. I wish I could explain, and I will, but now is not the right time. You need help Kelly, you can't go on like this... If not for you, for Shay... She doesn't look like she can take much more." She looked at him as he lifted his head, those empty blue eyes meeting her own. She watched as his eyes filled with tears and he nodded. She stretched her hand out and gently squeezed his arm. "I'm going to be right here Kelly, and whenever you feel like talking I will be ready to listen."

It hadn't taken as long for him to start talking as she'd thought it might. He'd stayed relatively calm much to her relief, she'd always found it slightly intimidating when patients screamed in her face. The only time he'd gotten angry was when she'd explained about Shay coming to see her. She could understand the fact he felt betrayed, but she was struggling to get him to understand that Shay had done it because she cared. She'd sat and listened to him as he went back over what he'd told her at the cabin, then telling her a few new things too. Louise was kicking herself internally. She should never have left him in that cabin. Eventually, she'd written him a prescription for some sleeping pills and some anti depressants which she decided to leave with Shay, before giving him a hug and heading back down stairs. She found Shay sat at the kitchen table looking exhausted. "Sorry, it took longer than I'd thought. I'm really glad you came to see me tonight though Shay. I am going to leave this prescription with you. Make sure he takes them. I'm hoping if we can get him sleeping properly and improve his mood a bit he might feel a bit more like things are worth fighting for. I will come back tomorrow and check on him if that's ok?" Shay nodded and thanked her, showing her out of the apartment. She finally felt like things could improve, maybe it hadn't been such a bad decision after all. Then it dawned on her. Dr Louise Grey, she knew the name was familiar. Well that explains a lot. She just hoped this woman wasn't going to mess him around again. It was the last thing that Kelly needed.

Shay had to give her credit though, Louise was true to her word. She turned up the next evening to check on him. As Louise headed up the stairs to see Kelly she braced herself, she wasn't really sure if he was still angry with her or not, only one way to find out. She knocked on the door before she went in. He was laying on the bed, as he had been yesterday. She noted the fact that he'd changed his clothes and had a shave. "Hey Kelly..." She looked at him, trying to judge his response. He rolled over to face her, trying to force a smile. "Hey." He patted the bed next to him. As she walked over to lay down next to him Louise let herself feel a little bit optimistic. She knew the smile was fake, it didn't reach his eyes, but at least he was trying. She looked at him, waiting for him to ask the questions she knew he was going to. "What are you doing here Louise? You just disappeared, I tried to look for you..." She interrupted him. She wasn't going to let him beat himself up over one stupid kiss. "I took a job at Lakeshore, I'm sure Shay told you. I had to get away from my mother. I love her don't get me wrong but the woman was driving me nuts! I saw the job advertised, fancied a change of scenery and so here I am!" She looked at him, waiting. "Louise... I'm so sor..." She cut him off again, she made a mental note to stop interrupting people but she just couldn't help herself. "Kelly, what happened in the cabin, it's not your fault. There are some things that I need to explain to you someday, not right now though, we need to focus on sorting you out first ok?" He nodded. "Friends?" She asked him. "Friends." He whispered.

Shay hesitated at the door. Lou had been up there hours and she hadn't heard a sound. After yesterday she'd been expecting to hear Kelly shouting at least once. Maybe he'd strangled her, the way he reacted yesterday it was certainly a possibility. She slowly opened the door, peering through the gap. She smiled at what she found. Kelly was fast asleep on one side of the bed, with Lou curled up beside him, her head resting on his chest and his arms wrapped around her. She backed out of the room and gently closed the door. She hadn't been sure about Louise to start with but she was certainly starting to like the woman. She was going to make it clear to her though that if she ever hurt Kelly she would hurt her. No matter how much she liked her. He'd been through enough.


	14. Chapter 14

Kelly woke the next morning to find Louise still asleep on his chest, snoring slightly. For the first time he'd actually slept properly, he wasn't sure if it was the sleeping pills or the fact he felt safe with her, but whatever it was he felt a lot better having slept. He laid there for a while,just watching her sleep and thinking, before she started to stir. "Morning Doc!" He said with a wink. Louise looked up at him, this was the second time she'd unexpectedly woken up in his arms, not that she was complaining. "Hey, how you feelin' today?" She looked up at him, waiting. He looked a lot better this morning, there was life in his eyes. "I'm ok... And although your going to deny it, you totally snore!" She rolled her eyes at him, playfully slapping his chest. "Do not!" They both laughed as he continued to tease her. They looked up as Shay walked in. "Hey guys, I've gotta go to work, Boden needs me. Call me if you need me ok?" They both nodded as Shay grabbed some clothes and left.

About an hour after Shay left they both started to get up. Louise was getting ready to excuse herself and head home when Kelly spoke. "Would... Would you mind coming to the firehouse with me? Shay hasn't told anyone that I'm back and I guess I probably owe the chief an explanation... I just... I don't want to go alone..." He looked at her "of course I will, can we just go by my place first so I can change? I am not going out in public in old scrubs I have slept in! Have you thought about what you're going to say to him?" Kelly thought for a second before he shook his head. "I don't know, how do I explain this to him without sounding like a total nutcase? I was hoping you might be able to help me with that?" Louise laughed "I can try!"

Kelly wandered around her apartment while she got changed. There were family photos on the walls, her and her mum and the man he guessed must be her father. Everything was neat and tidy, exactly as he'd expected it to be. He smiled as she came bounding out of the bedroom wearing a loose fitting grey jumper and faded blue jeans. "Right then, lets do this!" She drove him around to the firehouse, following his directions. Shay came rushing out to meet them, looking worried. "Everything's fine, Kelly wanted to come and speak to Chief Boden." Louise could tell from Shay's facial expression she'd thought something must be wrong. The three walked back inside together. Louise had subconsciously taken Kelly's hand. She was just as nervous as he was.

"Severide? Is that you?" Louise followed him into the office. "I'm sorry Chief, I should have come to talk to you earlier. I've had a lot going on." The chief looked at him sympathetically, he'd seen the job get to people before. "Well, you can start by introducing this young lady too me?" He turned to smile at Louise who held out her hand. "Doctor Louise Grey" She smiled at him. She was still nervous. "Well Severide, I've managed to keep your job open for you. You have Shay to thank for that, that is assuming you still want it?" He looked to Kelly who nodded at him. "You'll need to be cleared obviously before you can come back." Kelly nodded at him again, he felt as though he'd lost the ability to speak. "Good. Ok well, come back and see me when you've been cleared and your ready to come back. And stop and see the guys on your way out. They've been worried about you!" Kelly smiled and led Louise back out of the office.

The Chief was right, the guys were thrilled to see him. No one asked where he'd been, they'd heard enough from Casey and Dawson to know roughly what had happened, plus the looks Shay had shot them as Kelly walked in had made it clear she would kill anyone who brought it up. "You gonna introduce us to the young lady Lieutenant?" Hermann asked. "Oh, yeah, sorry guys! This is Louise Grey, a friend of mine." Hermann raised his eyebrows at the use of the word friends. The girl was stood there holding his hand and he was looking at her the same way he looked at Shay. He shook his head, maybe the old Kelly Severide was back afterall.

"Thank you so much for coming with me!" Kelly said for what seemed like the hundredth time as she drove back to her apartment. "Honestly Kelly, stop thanking me! I said I didn't mind! Now get your backside up those stairs, I made lasagne!" She wasn't going to take no for an answer. Kelly groaned, between her and Shay he was going to be so fat, they were both on a personal mission to fatten him up. He followed her up the stairs, knowing she wouldn't let him get away with it. He sat there and ate the lasagne with her. Louise stared at him, thinking about how much had changed since she'd first met him. She knew sooner or later she was going to have to explain to him why she'd run out of the cabin. He deserved an explanation, she just wasn't sure if she was ready to tell him. She figured he'd probably run a mile.

They sat on the sofa together, watching some rubbish tv show that neither of them was interested in. Kelly turned to look at her "Lou, I have to ask.. Why did you run off and leave me at the cabin? What did I do?" He looked at her, waiting for the answer while Lou tried to form sentences in her mind. "Kelly, I'm really sorry. I owe you an explanation. This might answer some of your questions." As she spoke she slowly pulled up her top, revealing several large scars on her stomach. Kelly frowned. "I was married Kelly, some guy I met in med school. I thought I loved him, that we were going to live happily ever after. But he had such a temper, he didn't like me going out, I quit my job for him, gave up what I love just to make him happy. But then we couldn't afford to eat and I had to get another one. When I told him he went ballistic… He beat me half to death and left me on the kitchen floor. Hence…" She gestured to the scars. "I'm sorry, it's just… I haven't been with another man since him… and I was worried you were going to take one look at the scars and be disgusted…" Kelly reached out and wrapped his arms around her, not really knowing what else to do or say.


	15. Chapter 15

Kelly was pacing nervously around the apartment, three weeks had passed since he'd first been back to the firehouse, and he'd finally been cleared to return to duty. "Hurry up Shay!" He yelled to her. "I'm coming! I'd forgotten how much of a pain you are! Right lets go!" They headed out of the door together. Kelly was relieved, he couldn't wait to get back to work. "Welcome back!" everyone called to him. He'd thanked them all before heading to start on all the paperwork he'd needed to catch up on. He was hoping it was going to be a quiet shift, although he'd been cleared to go back to work, the idea of going out on calls was still a little daunting.

He'd had his head buried in paperwork for what seemed like forever. He'd totally lost track of time when he was interrupted by a knock on the door. "Shay I'm fine!" He said without even looking up. "Well, I come all the way over here to see you and you don't even look up!" His head snapped up at the sound of her voice. "Hey! What brings you over to the firehouse?" He turned around to find Louise leaning in the doorway. "Thought I'd come and check up on you. How's the first day back going?" He smiled at her, he had barely seen her the last few weeks, she'd been so busy at work. "It's been good, this paperwork is a nightmare though!" He gestured to the stacks of paper on the desk. "Please, you should do my job! You don't know the meaning of paper work!" He laughed. "Come on, lets go find the rest of the guys, they'll kill me if they don't get to see you!" He took her hand and led her out.

Just as they walked into the room the alarm sounded. Kelly gave her a quick kiss on the cheek and apologised as he ran out. "Man! What about lunch! Why can't they time their calls better!" Hermann was muttering as he headed out. She laughed as they headed out. She knew the feeling well.

It had turned out to be a false alarm, something which had not gone down well with the guys. Kelly was relieved in a way, he'd been nervous the whole way there hoping it wasn't serious. Hermann was still muttering about their missed lunch when they got back to the firehouse. "Mills you'd better cook something quick, I'm starving!" He called to the candidate. As they came round the corner the smell of food hit them. "Oh hey guys.. I hope you don't mind.." Louise looked up at them all. They all turned and looked at Kelly who shrugged. "If you scare this one off Severide there will be trouble!" Hermann said, causing everyone to laugh. Louise smiled. "Well, dig in everyone!" She laughed as the men all rushed at once, she was glad she'd stayed. She caught Kelly's eye and smiled, walking over to take a seat with him.


	16. Chapter 16

Kelly knocked on Louise's door at the end of his shift. She answered the door to him covered in flour. He laughed, following her back in to the apartment. "How was it?" She asked him, she'd been worried about him all day. "It was ok, it's gonna take me a while to get used to it I think! Good to be back though. How was your day?" She washed her hands before turning round to face him. "A whole 24 hours without a single call from the hospital. Bliss! And I made some great cookies!" She gestured to the box on the counter next to her. He walked over to her, taking a cookie from the box. "Mmm these are good!" She laughed "you're supposed to chew food!" She smacked his arm lightly as he inhaled the cookie.

He was so glad to see her laughing and smiling. He'd been worried about her, he'd barely seen her since she'd told him about her husband and what had happened to her. She said she'd been busy at work but he wasn't sure if it was the truth or she was just avoiding him. He was worried that he was going to have scared her off again. He'd sat and listened to her story quietly, despite the fact it made him want to hunt the guy down and give him a taste of his own medicine. They'd sat there together for hours, he'd just held her while she poured her heart out and cried. He couldn't believe how much she'd been through and still managed to come out the other side smiling.

"Hey earth to Kelly!" He was interrupted from his thoughts as she snapped her fingers infront of his face. He smiled at her, suddenly aware of just how close to him she actually was. He held his breath, fighting the urge to lean in and kiss her. He'd been impulsive last time and it hadn't worked out. He needed to let her decide. She stared at him for a moment, meeting his eyes before slowly leaning towards him. She wasn't entirely sure he wasn't disgusted by the sight of her, she was probably some kind of charity case to him. Their lips met, his arms coming up to wrap around her face and she forgot her previous doubts about him running a mile. She trusted him, something she hadn't done with anyone for a long time.

Kelly hesitated slightly as their lips met. He'd been waiting for this moment, looking forward to it, but he was suddenly afraid of making a wrong move. He didn't want her to disappear again. Slowly he wrapped his arms around her waist, kissing her back, but being careful not to push her. He sure as hell wasn't going to make the same mistake twice.


	17. Chapter 17

Kelly woke up to find the bed empty. He followed the sound of whistling and found Louise dancing around the kitchen in his shirt. He leaned quietly in the doorway watching her. She visibly flinchedt when she caught sight of him out of the corner of her eye. "God you scared me!" She laughed, but it sounded forced. "Sorry about that. I didn't mean too!" She walked over too him, in to his waiting arms. "It's ok" she said quietly as he wrapped his arms around her. He smiled, placing a kiss on the top of her forehead. "You can't keep stealing my clothes though, what am I supposed to wear?" She looked at him thoughtfully for a second. "You can walk round naked, I'm cool with that!" His response was interrupted by her pager. She groaned as she checked it. "Duty calls!" She gave him a quick kiss goodbye before grabbing her coat and heading for the door. So much for a day off.

Kelly followed her out of the apartment, heading home. He had just walked in to the apartment when his phone rang. He frowned as he recognised the number. "Hey Chief?" Shay smiled at him from the kitchen, Kelly smiled back at her, the phone still pressed to his ear. Shay spun round as she heard the phone fall to the floor. Kelly pushed past her and ran up the stairs to his room, locking the door behind him. She picked his phone up off the floor, checking to see who he had been on the phone to. What on earth had Boden said that had caused that response? She placed the phone on the kitchen counter and walked quietly up the stairs. She knocked on the door. "Kelly? What's going on? Please let me in." Please don't do this again she thought to herself. No response. She'd thought they were past this. She walked back down the stairs, trying to decide what to do. She couldn't go through this all over again, she'd only just gotten her best friend back.

Kelly had been in his room for about an hour when Louise had shown up. Shay hadn't been sure if she should let her in or not. She wasn't really sure what was going on between the two of them or if Kelly would want her there. Eventually she had given in and let Louise in, she could tell she wasn't going to take no for an answer. As Louise had discarded her jacket and headed up the stairs Shay had noticed the fact she was wearing one of Kelly's shirts. Louise knocked on his bedroom door. "Kelly? It's me! Open up!" She waited for a second, confused. She'd known something was wrong from the way Shay was acting, but she had no idea what. She let out a sigh of relief as she heard the door unlock. She walked in to the room, closing the door behind her. Kelly was sat on the edge of the bed with his head in his hands. She walked over and sat down next to him, putting her arm around him. "What happened?" She asked him quietly.

He was quiet for a moment before he turned to look at her. "We... We lost this little kid in a car fire... I.. I didn't get to him in time.. And his parents want to... To meet me... I don't think I can do it... It was my fault..." Louise tightened her arms around him, she didn't really know what to say to him to help. He rested his head against her shoulder and they both sat there in silence. "I know it feels like it was your fault Kelly, but there was nothing more you could have done, sometimes you have to accept that you tried everything you could and move on." She knew from experience as a doctor that sometimes you just had to accept that you'd done everything possible and it still wasn't enough. He was silent for a moment before he spoke. "I could have done more. I should have got him out."


	18. Chapter 18

Hey Guys, sorry it's taken me so long. I've been working nights and just had no time to do anything! Louise was frustrated, she was having to cover extra shifts in the ER so she'd be able to pay her rent at the end of the month. She'd always hated working in the ER, particularly since she'd been a patient in one. She tried to avoid it whenever she could but she'd run out of other options. Kelly wasn't answering his phone either, he was barely speaking to him. She couldn't understand what more he thought he could have done to save the little boy. She wasn't even sure if he knew himself, but something about it was bothering him. She'd been trying to find the time to talk to him about it but she'd been so busy with work, and then when she wasn't working he refused to answer his phone. She took out her phone, listening to the rings and then his answer phone message. She left yet another message, hoping eventually he'd quit hiding and call her back. She leant against the wall and checked her watch. It was 10pm on a Saturday night. She was waiting for the hoards of drunken party goers who would have injured themselves to arrive. She checked her pager as it beeped, here we go again she thought to herself, walking off to find the patient. She pulled back the curtain to find her interns struggling to hold down someone who'd clearly had more than his fill of alcohol for the night. She walked round to the head of the bed, about to lay in to the guy and tell him to quit throwing punches at her interns or leave when she realised who it was. "Kelly?" Her interns looked round at her confused. "Give us a minute." She said to them quietly, motioning for them to leave. She sat on the edge of the bed, placing her hand on his chest to stop him sitting up. "What happened?" She could tell he'd been in some kind of fight. He'd got a large cut down the left side of his face, a split lip and a crooked nose. He just shrugged at her. As she leant forward to inspect the cut on his cheek she could smell the alcohol on his breath. Deciding he'd need stitches she stood up to fetch an intern, ordering him to stay put as she left. She sent a text to Shay, telling her to call her as soon as she got the message. Shay arrived in minutes, with hindsight Louise realised she should have explained that Kelly was ok, rather than just telling Shay he was in the ER. She saw Shay breathe a sigh of relief as she came around the corner and spotted Louise, who pointed to the room Kelly was in. She gathered up his X-rays and headed to the room. "How are we doing in here?" She asked the intern who was stitching up Kelly's face. He nodded back at her as he finished, gathering up the instruments and leaving. Shay was sat next to the bed looking concerned. "What the hell happened Kelly?" It was clear from Shay's tone of voice she was not happy. Kelly just shrugged and rolled his eyes at her, only making Shay even more furious. Louise decided to interrupt before Shay decided to injure him even more. "Ok, so your nose is broken and that cut was pretty deep, but apart from that and the ridiculously high amount of alcohol in your blood you're going to be just fine. You can go home." Kelly didn't even respond as she said it, Shay just nodded. Louise gestured to the door, Shay got up and followed her out. "Does he usually go out and get in bar fights?" She asked, she didn't really know that much about Kelly's past, maybe it was something that happened a lot. Shay shook her head. "I honestly don't know what is going on with him. He goes through phases where he barely leaves the apartment, he sits in his room and cries when he doesn't think I can hear him, and then sometimes he will go out and get ridiculously drunk and not come home. I thought he'd moved past this with meeting you and going back to work... But I just... I don't know anymore." Shay could feel the tears welling up in her eyes, she'd thought they were moving forward. Louise reached out and squeezed her arm sympathetically. "I know, I finish my shift at 8. Take him home and I will see you there when I get off. We need to do something." Louise was exhausted. Her shift had dragged on for what felt like forever. She drove to Kelly and Shays apartment quickly, she hadn't heard from Shay since they'd left the ER. She couldn't understand what it was that was going on with Kelly. There was something he wasn't telling her, she knew that. She'd been hoping that given time he would tell her, but it didn't look like he was going to. She eventually reached the apartment, quickly parking her car before heading inside. She yawned as Shay greeted her, the warmth of the apartment making her feel even more tired. "How is he?" She asked Shay, her eyes following Shay's gesture towards the stairs. She took the look of defeat on Shay's face to mean things hadn't gone well. She sighed, shrugging her coat off and headed up the stairs. She didn't even bother knocking before she went in to Kelly's room. She found him lying on his bed, staring at the ceiling. She laid on the bed next to him, rolling on to her side so she could look at him. She picked up one of his hands and squeezed it tightly. "Talk to me Kelly. Please." She whispered. He didn't even acknowledge that he'd heard her to start with. She sat up, repeating what she'd said louder. She'd thought he was going to ignore her again when he suddenly sat up. "Dammit Louise! Why can't you just leave it the hell alone?!" He yelled in her face. She flinched as he shouted, then quickly jumped to her feet and ran out of the room. She nearly knocked Shay clean off her feet as she quickly made her way out of the apartment, desperate to get home. 


End file.
